Merry Christmas to all......hope everyon ehad a blessed day with family, friends and love ones.

Last couple of days were a blur of long hours at work followed with holiday shopping at the local mall with the wife...considering everything of the last 3 years, I should be thankful that I can manage such  busy days and not be laying in a bed suffering. So, thank you God!

Friday was a long day at work. Beside being busy with coordinating all residents holiday visits with their families and solving last minute issues, we had to deal with their holiday indunced anxieties and anger especially with those with no place to go or families willing to take them home. On top, the clinicians schedule a group session before leaving, creating further issues as the boys were anxious about leaving not about focusing with therapy. But we got through it.

Then, last minute shopping! Great, I did not get to relax at all.

Saturday, back to work for morning training. I did get to go to the gym with Bryan and Gloria. It helped.

Christmas Eve was spent at the in-laws. Although it was festive with lots of people, I felt distanced which was noticed by my mother inlaw who kept asking if I was ok. I should not be so negative but I cannot shake the feeling that this may be my last Christmas. I just hit my 3 year mark with the cancer and all it runs through my mind is that survival rate for stage 4 colon cancer past 5 years is 12%. It feels like I am running out of time. I know that I need to stay positive which I do, most of the time, especially in front of family and friends even though inside I want to scream. Last week I noticed a lump on my left chest. Not clear if it's the lymth glands swell up due to an infection or something else. Every little lump creates fear that the cancer has spread but probably a false alarm since I had a PET scan 3 months ago and did not detect anything in that area. Enough with feeling sorry for my self.

The festivities lasted until 2:30am and went to bed at 3:30am. And woke up at 6:30am to go to work for 8 hours. Then returned home for my side of the family get together for Christmas day.....so tired. I wonder if I am running my self so ragged to avoid thinking about the cancer. Either way, I am on my way to bed and no work tomorrow, so I get to sleep in!

So, good night to all and all a good night...................